when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
