Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
