how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
