you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
