at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
