You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize