also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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