just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
