my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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