It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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