Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
