Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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