We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
