I think my vagina is haunted
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
