She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
