I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
