Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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