i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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