So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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