You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
