I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
