I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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