why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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