so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
