the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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