first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
