Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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