Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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