Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
