please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
