just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
