she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
