i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
