She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
