Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
