My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
