"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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