I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
