can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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