I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
