He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am available for nakedness
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
