I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize