i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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