Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
