youre lurking in front of me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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