I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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