God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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