so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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