He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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