i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
