He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
