is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
