I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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