I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
