Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
bring money and cleavage
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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