yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
