Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
