are you still at the devil's house?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
