I think I am morally bankrupt
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
