Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize