Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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