Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
