This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize