you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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