i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
