apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
