it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
