i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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