I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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