Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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