oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
