how hairy? two words: wookie tits
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
