you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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