she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
