It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
