She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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