Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize