Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
bring money and cleavage
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
