Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
