btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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