Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
