I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
