I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
